Let's Just Go Ahead and Update You on Everything

Hi, all!

I've been kinda busy lately, what with school (school sucks, but less so than the last two years), the roleplay (we've been redeveloping everything), and debate (I also joined the debate team, just by the way).  So sorry for not posting very often.  I was going to compare The Maze Runner (book) with The Maze Runner (movie), but I get kinda rambly when I review.  So maybe later.  (Long story short: the movie was better.  I know, I didn't believe it either.)

But yeah, this blog is a bit behind.  I think it's time for an update post.  So now, in no particular order...

Update 1: Yeah, seriously, I joined the debate team.  I kind of regret it though, 'cause my most enthusiastic debate team friend (AKA: 70% of my motivation) has had to take a lengthy leave of absence.  But I already paid club fees, hotel fees, and an extra sweatshirt fee, so yeah, there's no going back.  Our first tournament is on the 11th, which is soon, so maybe I'll post about it after.

Update 2: School started a couple months ago, and my classes this year suck significantly less than they did last year.  Unfortunately, I allowed myself to get discouraged around registration time and did not sign myself up for Drawing, but hey man, I took Photography instead.  It quickly became my favorite class, so I call that a success.  But more on that later.  I'm also taking Creative Writing and Honors English, both of which should give me posting material (in the fullness of time).  P.E. is dumb and Honors Math is dumb, but that's just two of eight classes.  I got more than half-lucky this year!  Yessssssss.

Update 3: Right but so photography.  Photography is hard, so we're taking it slow(ly?), meaning we don't develop our first round of actual film until Monday.  But earlier, we made pinhole cameras (mine was unsuccessful), and photograms (mine were very successful).  So yeah, let's talk about those.

First thing's first: I have to explain how photo paper works.  Basically, a bunch of goddamn magicians came together and created a type of white paper that turns dark when exposed to light.  Well, okay, it doesn't turn dark until you put it in the developer chemicals, but the important thing is this: the parts that had light on them will be dark.  Shine light on one corner?  Dark.  A different corner?  Dark.  A tiny spot in the middle?  Dark.  Just how dark it really gets depends on how much light hits the paper and for how long.  If you shine a really dim light for a fraction of a second, it'll turn kinda grey.  A glaring bright light for a minute or so should turn it completely black.

So, a photogram is what you get when you cover up certain parts of the paper to prevent the light from reaching them.  In class, we stood in the dark room and laid a bunch of objects on our photo paper, put it under a light, and shined it on for a couple seconds, then put it in the developer chemicals.  (side note: do not get developer chemicals on your hands.  They won't hurt you, but you'll smell like old rubber and vinegar for the next two days, which makes you really sick really fast.  It's gross.)  My best four came out like this:

This one's fancy 'cause I mounted it.  (sorry the photo's not
the greatest.  I had to turn it in, so I took this one in class.)

Admire the doll arm.  (And wonder why the hell it has those
shadow objects reflected on it.  How does light work again?)

I am so sorry about the dust.  I tried to get it off,
but in my house, it's pretty much unavoidable.

b r o k e n   l o c k e t
(broken hearts)

Maybe I needed the change of medium from drawing to art.  I like this.  I really do.

Update 4: Like I said, we've all been working on the roleplay, and I'm really excited about this.  We've been doing this without actually roleplaying it though, which just means lots and lots of redevelopment with hardly any writing.  Which I love, actually!  It's satisfying and refreshing.  And remember Raven?  (I mentioned her briefly here.)  I kind of killed her off and deserted her, but now I'm fixing her!  I've been meaning to do this for months.  It only came off the ground now because Mr. Parker (yeah so last year's English teacher is this year's Creative Writing teacher - cool beans, right?) assigned a short narrative written about a Facebook status.  I don't have a Facebook, so I made a status up and ended up writing about Raven running away from home.  It was almost kind of enlightening, actually.  I always try and map out my character and storyline before I start writing, but this time I just kind of just let it go, and I learned things.  Like that Raven is gay, or at least bi.  Despite having a girlfriend myself (damn cutie she is), I am not usually prone to writing LGBT characters, so that was kinda surprising.

The real challenge here is going to be handling two developed characters in my head without getting more excited about one than the other.  And if I succeed to love them both, the next challenge will be to kill Raven off anyway.

Yay!

Update 5: Okay, I think this is the last thing.  Here, we have...webcomics!  God, do I love webcomics.

CUCUMBER QUEST is really fuckin' cute, guys!  These four hero people (er, *bunnies) have to travel all through these crazy kingdoms to collect some silly stuff and fight some ridiculous villains, and I won't lie to you, the whole quest thing is really just kind of inane (even to them).  The heroes are all really adorable though, and like - I mean, can I be your friend, Cucumber?  Pleeeaaase?? - and the villains are all really compelling, actually, with really interesting dynamics.  (Like Nightmare Knight and Rosemaster.  I really want to know what's going on there.)  I mean, their quest is kind of frustrating, and a million times harder than it needs to be just because some of the characters are just stubborn, but the webcomic itself is so cute.  Read it.  You must.

BLINDSPRINGS is...ahh...I'm not sure how to explain Blindsprings.  It's kind of involved, or at least, the whole story hasn't been revealed to us yet.  As I understand it, a kingdom was ruled by a group of people known as Orphics, who were born with magical abilities that came from the spirits.  But the Orphics were too oppressive of their people and the Academists (scholars who managed to invent their own, artificial magic) revolted, quickly taking over the kingdom.  The Academists developed a way to seal Orphic powers, and quickly became distrustful and oppressive of all community members who were of the Orphic line.  Now (about a hundred years later?), Orphic community members are beginning to revolt again.  I think.  Despite it being kind of complicated, the story is told with such incredible charm (and such a different and lovely range of characters) that it immediately keeps you reading.  It's not very long, and updates relatively often, so if you're looking for something elegant and new, I recommend this one-hundred percent.

BFF COMIC is something I was only introduced to a couple days ago, but it is damn freaking adorable!  I'm not far enough in to write my own description of it, so here's the author's: "Best Friends Forever is a (b)romantic dramedy about a dirt-poor quarterback and the nerd-chic president of the student council trying to hold their unlikely friendship together - despite the suspicions & meddling of their frustrating classmates."  Honestly, I'm still early enough in the comic (chapter seven) that I technically shouldn't be reviewing yet, but it is so cute.  Teddy (the nerdy kid) is adorable, and Vincent (the quarterback) is beautiful, and they're just...aw.  You should read it.  Please.
(UPDATE: okay so I caught up on it and it starts out adorable, but then it gets really angsty really fast.  I'm not saying you shouldn't read it, but ahh, be warned.  That's all.)

Oh Yeah and Also Update 6: I'm about 20 pages into 1984 right now.  You know, that old dystopian classic by George Orwell?  Yeah.  It's scaring me.

Alright, so that's the last of my updates.  I hope you guys are all doing wonderfully, and I myself have been doing pretty okay.  I'll talk to you later!

-Allie H-S

Happy Birthday, Anthony! Brief Roleplay History?

Hi, all.

I know I haven't posted in a while.  School started and I've been pretty busy ever since.  I've been trying to find something to post about, and today is a special occasion.  On this day, Anthony James Rousseaux (the namesake of this blog) turns twenty-three.  He was born on September 9th, 1992.  (Hence my username.)  He is by far the best and most developed character I've ever created, and I just...I mean...he's cool.  He's pretty cool.

look at these cool cards, guys.  I own these.  yeah.

In honor of his birthday, I thought this would be a good opportunity to tell you all more about the roleplay.

Some of this will be recap.  Here I'm not rereading and adding on to my old posts about it, but instead, starting fresh.

The roleplay (sometimes known as "Divided") is a project my friends and I started in late fall, 2012.  It was meant to be a silly writing project, just for fun.  We each created our own characters, initially just one for each writer, but since then, things have grown.  This may not be perfect, seeing how at the moment people keep changing their ideas, but as far as I know, the author-character chart looks like this.

Author Siri Reilly:
 - Lizzie Tyler
 - Hank Jacobs
 - Meg Richards

Author Sara Williams:
 - Shade Grey
 - Darel Jones
 - Nate Jones

Author Bailey Giauque:
 - Bea Holmes
 - Jade Young
 - Lea Vindico
 - Oliver Vindico?

Author Alix Kintner:
 - Shizuka Maki
 - Demon?

Author Madison DeCamp:
 - Tyler Noel
 - Cassie Reed
 - Skyler Mills
 - Scarlett Mills-Noel

Author Allie Hedderly-Smith (me):
 - Anthony Rousseaux
 - Raven Black

(We occasionally write one-shots including other characters, but overall, the rights to each belong to their respective authors.)

I typically have trouble staying interested in more than two characters.  If we ever start writing again, I may try my hand in the supporting cast.  (We don't have a lot of that.)

But anyways, we started it in 2012 (eighth grade) just for fun.  One person would write a paragraph or so from their character's point of view (a post), and another would write a response paragraph from their character's point of view (another post).  The responses were, for the most part, quick and interesting, and our story soon progressed into a gallop.  At times, it got in the way of our school and homework habits; cranking out posts like we were born for it.  As is the case with all great amounts of output, the new and sudden experience caused our writing styles to change dramatically.  (Zen Pencils, anyone?)  And I'm not kidding when I say "great amounts;" we ended up with three different Google docs because each doc only allows a around three-hundred and fifty pages.  That's about one-thousand pages of writing.  Sure, most of it was fluff that didn't progress the story, but still.

We all tried a few other roleplays (zombie apocalypse-themed, dystopian society-themed), but none of them lasted long.  I think the reason this one was so successful was the appeal of the fantasy and freedom of our characters, but also mostly just that it was the first one, the one we all really got to know each other through.  If the roleplay hadn't started, I likely wouldn't have the friends I have now.

But so, after three docs, summer vacation finally came and we got distracted.  We've tried to start it again a couple of times, but haven't quite succeeded.  And we've been toying with the idea of turning it into a book for a while - like a year.  I think my co-authors would rather nobody posts any direct excerpts right now, but if we make any real progress, I'll let you know.

But so anyways, school has started, and September 9th has come.  Happy birthday, Anthony!  Someday I'll start writing about you seriously again, and you'll be back where you came from.

Talk to you all later.
- Allie H-S

P.S: Salt Lake Comic Con was exhausting; I didn't realize the Salt Palace was so big.  (The vendor's room from last year was used this year for just the entrance.)  I got ten cool little pins from some place called Akumu Ink, a fancy fascinator hat, and a black parasol umbrella.  Now I'm completely broke.  And that's really all there is to say on the matter.

P.P.S: I always feel like I need to leave a second signature to conclude my post-scripts.  But I don't.  So that's a little frustrating.

Artifact Reflection 5

Hi, all.

Watch The Dream is Now.  It's a documentary.  It's on Netflix.  It's only thirty minutes long.  It's very important.

It's also very frustrating.

The Dream is Now follows a group of youthful immigrants as they try and fail to achieve citizenship and their respective dreams.  And after watching it, I have a request - a completely genuine request, believe me.  Could someone please explain to me why we don't want to grant people citizenship?  I ask this question constantly, but no one's ever been able to give me a straight answer.  If these people were citizens, they would pay taxes.  They would go to college.  They would become successful, would be doctors and lawyers and psychologists and teachers and social workers and politicians and they'd join the armed forces and they'd do important, valuable things.  Yes, they'd take up jobs, but they'd do amazing things with those jobs, just as well as - and sometimes even better than - a natural-born citizen ever could, because these people have the drive to achieve their dreams.

And don't tell me our population would rise, because it's already risen.  They're already here.  I just want to know why the kids who know perfect English and take all the hard classes and graduate high school on high honor roll and want to be damn rocket scientists can't just go ahead and do that because no one would give the a social security number.

I hadn't realized it was this bad.

This really bothers me, if you couldn't already tell.  In The Distance Between Us, Reyna doesn't have this problem because she gets a Green Card.  But these people can't; they're as good a proof as any that we need a better system.

Anyway, that's my fifth and final artifact reflection.  I hope you enjoyed it.  Grumble grumble grumble....

-Allie H-S

P.S: School starts tomorrow and the nerves are breaking me apart.  I have never been this anxious before, but apparently all my friends are feeling it, too.  I don't even have a specific thing I'm stressing over.  It's not because I'm going to a new school, like everyone suggests; I've moved up in schools twice before, and I was totally fine.  I think it's just because the last two years of school sucked, honestly.  Treasure Mountain causes lots of social issues - the administration seems to think this is because of bullying, but I've never directly encountered that.  I've only encountered angst and depression and exhaustion.  I mostly blame the building.

Artifact Reflection 4

Hi, all.

It's missing a couple parts.  I apologize.

My fourth artifact is a small LEGO helicopter.  It's orange with black propellers, maybe six inches long. It has lights to shine down (with your imagination, that is) and a grappling hook that can come down from one side.  I chose this as my fourth artifact because I wanted to talk about the scene in The Distance Between Us where Reyna and her family are attempting to cross the border for the third time, their last chance.  Their first two attempts failed because of Reyna, and if they don't make it this time, she and her siblings will be sent back to their paternal grandmother's house in Iguala, a home where they will never find the love Reyna's been looking for so desperately throughout the story.

This scene was important not only for the purposes of plot, but for those of understanding.  Before reading this book, I'd never realized how drastically divided - and ultimately, broken - families can become in the process of immigration.  I'd never really thought about the possibility of them not being able to take their entire family across the border.  In America, there are so many horrible jokes about how many illegals can fit into a car, so I'd always just assumed that they all came over at once.  In fact, when Reyna's mother left in the beginning of the story, I was a bit confused; why didn't her father just send for all of them?  Were it not for the border crossing scene, I still wouldn't fully understand.

Illegally migrating is damn hard.

Like I said, this is their third try.  The first time, Reyna got a tooth ache and couldn't walk on her own, so her father had to carry her.  They couldn't move quickly enough that way, and border control caught them.  The second time, they stopped to rest and Reyna wandered off, stumbling on the body of a man lying in the bushes.  She screamed loudly, and again, border patrol found them quickly.

The third time, they traveled across the border by night.  About halfway through their trip, a helicopter flew low overhead, searching.  They ran for shelter.  Reyna's brother, Carlos, tripped and they nearly left him behind.  When the searchlight came down, it caught Reyna's shoe, and she yanked it under the brush.  It was a miracle that they hadn't been seen.

So in short, the reason Reyna's father hadn't sent for all of them the first time was because three children, ages four to eight, couldn't have made it.  I think this is also applicable to our current migratory situations (as mentioned in the last three posts and the next one, too) because it sucks that, while people try so desperately hard to get into the United States, and have close to nothing to go back to, when we find them, we just deport them anyway.

We need to fix this somehow.

-Allie H-S

Artifact Reflection 3

Hi, all.

Thank you for reading my slightly preachy artifacts even though you totally don't have to.  (Unless you're my new English teacher, in which case you absolutely have to because you assigned it.  This is your doing.)  My third artifact is another article (to be found here).

This is an article posted by USA Today about how deporting everybody won't stop people from coming over.  No matter how many children they catch mid-trip and send back to their country, it won't stop those children from trying again and again and again, because no matter how much money they have to pay cartels to help them across, it will never be worse than going back to their home in Central America, where they can't go to school for fear of being recruited by gangs and they can't eat dinner because there is never food on the table.  The last line of the article is a quote from a fourteen-year-old boy from Hoduras named Brian.  "'We've suffered a lot to try to make our lives better,' he says. 'If they knew what we've been through, they'd let us in.'"

I've never been particularly well-versed in political intricacies, even and especially those relating to border patrol, but I've always sort of viewed the deportation of illegal immigrants as treating the symptom.  Maybe this is because I live in Park City, Utah and have never experienced the full and direct flow of these immigrant children I keep hearing about, but I struggle to believe that deportation can fix all of our problems for us.  I figure, if you truly want to stop this unending flow of people from Guatemala, Honduras and El Salvador, maybe you should make some sort of plan to help Guatemala, Honduras and El Salvador.  I know that won't be easy - there is no magic button - but there are also many, many people who, given the means, would love to help.  I also know it'll take a while - most important things take a while - but in the end, it'll be well worth it.

At the very least, I think they should work to move all these kids out of California and Texas.  Just, you know, diffuse them into the midwest, where we can better handle them.

Maybe I'm just some stupid rich white girl, but...it makes sense to me.

-Allie H-S

P.S: I just realized, this is my fiftieth post!  Yaaaaaay milestone!  Woooooo!

Artifact Reflection 2

Hi, all.

I'm running a bit low on time, so let's cut to the chase for these next few posts.  This post says I have my second artifact.

Behold, a sneaker in all of its glory.

This artifact is a pair of beat up kid's sneakers.  I actually bought these sneakers at a thrift store in Salt Lake about a year ago just 'cause I thought they were cute and I wanted to draw them.  They're a pair of child's size-seven Converse knock-offs (a brand called "Eastside").  The fabric that was once bright red is faded and dirtied.  The laces have no aglets and are loopy and frayed, at parts only hanging by threads through the nicked silver eyelets.  The soles have been worn thin, and the once-white toecaps are the color of long-neglected paperbacks due to an uncertain combination of dirt and age.  Though they're obviously too small for me to wear, I wanted them from the moment I saw them because they look loved; they look well-worn; they look like the epitome of an American eight-year-old's childhood well-spent.

They're my second artifact because while they could have been a part of my lovely American childhood, they never could have entered that of a young Mexican Reyna's.  Throughout the first part of the book, and even into the beginning of the second, Reyna points out constantly how she and her siblings and every other child in Iguala are almost always barefoot, except for on rare occasions like her cousin Elida's quinceanera and one time when their parents in the United States send her shoes that don't even fit.

I realize this is a very small and simple thing, but it really didn't occur to me that they wouldn't have shoes.  I mean, I've paid enough attention to know that not everybody has shoes - Africa doesn't have shoes.  I doubt China has shoes.  God knows if North Korea has shoes.  But Mexico borders us; they probably make half of our shoes.  I know things suck in Mexico, but the fact that it's such a popular tourist destination always helps to mask the fact that things suck that much.

I should retake AP World Geography at some point.  That was quite a valuable class.

Anyways, I guess this artifact is really "children's shoes or lack thereof."  It makes me wonder why we focus all our charity efforts on Africa and the United States, when really, people also need help in nearly every country on nearly every continent.  I mean, it's true that nowhere is perfect and nowhere can be (there are no utopias), but we still have to try to make the world as good as we can possibly make it, and we still need to help everyone we can help.

Let's help people.

That's all for now.
-Allie H-S

A Short Post About an Important Book

Hello, all.

I just read a The Little Prince (or Le Petit Prince) by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry.  I realize that this is a children's book, and typically a semi-formal review post like this should probably be about some three-hundred page YA fiction or something, or maybe something even more legitimate - like maybe I should be reviewing Pride and Prejudice for you - but there'll be time for that later, and maybe that's even the point.  Just because this isn't some hefty novel doesn't mean the book isn't important.

This book is very important.

I actually didn't know The Little Prince existed until fairly recently, and I only read it now because rumour has it that I'll be reading it this year in French IV.  (We half-assedly read the first chapter or so in the last few weeks of French III, and I was very lost, so I think having read the English translation first will help.)  But now I know it exists.  And now you know, too.

(courtesy of: classicalcybelle.wordpress.com)

The Little Prince is about adults, and everything you lose when you outgrow your childhood.  It's about numbers and jobs and how we always rush about, and how everything we think has value - a big house, a career, doing everything quickly and efficiently, spending all our time finding new ways just to save some - muddles up everything that's really important, things like love and friendship and true satisfaction.  It's written in a formal, solemn tone, and the narrator says that he doesn't want his book to be taken lightly, which sounds pretentious - and hey, maybe it is a bit pretentious - but the way it's written is beautiful and poetic, if a bit abstract (remember, it's a children's book; it's full of space travel and talking flowers).

Earlier this summer, during that silly Creative Writing class I took, I read Tuesdays With Morrie, which was similar to this, if a bit more straightforward in expressing its themes.  It was also similar because they're both sad.

I've said this before, but I think most good books are sad.  But this was also very sweet.

I think it would be nice to do an audio reading of this, so I'll look into that.  In the meantime, it's 83 pages long, with large text and lots of pictures.  You can easily read it in a day, so if you can get your hands on a copy, I urge you to do so.  I think you'll enjoy it.

That's all.
-Allie H-S

Artifact Reflection 1 - And Also Happy Esther Day!

Happy Esther Day, everybody!  

This post has a very specific purpose, so I'll try and keep it short, but for those of you who don't know, Esther Earl was a really amazing person who died of cancer when she was sixteen.  Partly because I never actually knew Esther and partly because this post is meant to be for school, I don't think I can explain Esther Day well enough and in few enough words to keep it from dominating the post, and I certainly can't do it as well as this vlogbrothers video and the rest of the playlist it's been added to.  Hank doesn't explain Esther Day until about two minutes in, but I think the entire video is very important, so I urge you to watch all of it.  (It's three minutes and thirty-eight seconds long; I think you can handle it.)  In short, Esther Day - August third - is a day to tell your friends and family and everybody who's important to you that you love them, and not just assume that they know.  Last year, my friends and I held a party, but this year, circumstances wouldn't allow it.  So I'm spreading the word this way, because the internet it powerful, and maybe somebody will read this who doesn't already know about it.  Let's hope, I guess.

Right, so, to the school part of this post.  I stumbled upon my first artifact for The Distance Between Us this morning!  It's a newspaper article.  (I am so original.)  I found it in my actual physical newspaper, but that's a little harder to link to, so I have it online here.  In it, Roxana Orellana talks about her recent trip to Honduras, the country she grew up in, but no longer recognizes.  Like Reyna Grande, Orellana's mother moved to the United States and promised to come back for her children once she got settled.  Five years later, her mother returned for her.  Honduras was poor then, but not life-threatening.  After Orellana moved to the United States, crime in Honduras increased dramatically, crimes such as murder happening regularly in broad daylight.  "It’s different now, a place that forces kids to make adult decisions and trek in terrifying conditions hoping for better. The violence of drug traffickers and gangs has poisoned the culture, leaving wreckage that sometimes seems beyond repair."

In The Distance Between Us, Reyna returns to her hometown of Iguala, Mexico during her senior year of high school.  The government has privatized the railroad since she left, and trains no longer come there.  As a result, Iguala has plummeted even deeper into poverty.  Like Roxana Orellana, Reyna goes to stay with her maternal grandmother, and she finds it hard to ignore the poverty that surrounds her, while as a child, it was all she knew.  (At this same point in the book, I find it hard to ignore what a shallow, two-faced monster her older sister has become, while it's all that Reyna ever knew, but I figure that's a post for another day.)

In my last post, I ranted about how horrible and depressing The Distance Between Us was.  I actually finished it yesterday though, and it had the happy ending it so desperately needed.  And it occurs to me that those first three hundred pages of unbelievable misfortune made the last twelve pages of hope so much better.  Because honestly, we would never care that Reyna graduated from college if we hadn't seen everything that had stood in her way, and we wouldn't care that she'd put her family back together if we hadn't seen everything that had torn it apart.  To likely misquote Batman Begins (because that's just my style), "it takes dramatic examples to pull these people out of their apathy."  As a fifteen-year-old white girl in a middle-class family, living full time in Park City, Utah, a resort town and one of the nicest cities in America, I find it is really fucking easy to spend all my time on the internet and connected with the world, and yet remain blind to all that goes on in it.

That said, I think I'm gonna read the newspaper more often.  Ignorance is bliss if there's a spider in your bedroom, but when I look at the world at large, I think I'd like to know the true state of it.  Maybe then I'll know how to do something of value and help it.

-Allie H-S

I HATE IT

I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE IT

I meant to post earlier than this.  Sorry about that.  Honestly, I'm only posting right now because I really, really need to just...just...christ.  Jesus effing christ.

IF YOU HAPPEN TO BE LOOKING FOR THREE-HUNDRED AND TWENTY-TWO PAGES OF PURE, UNADULTERATED SADNESS, MISFORTUNE, AND PESSIMISM, I IMPLORE YOU TO READ THE DISTANCE BETWEEN US BY REYNA GRANDE.  YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED.

HOWEVER, IF YOU - LIKE ME - JUST NEED TO READ AND ANNOTATE FOR SOPHOMORE HONORS ENGLISH PURPOSES, YOU WILL BE VERY.  VERY.  DISAPPOINTED.

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS BOOK IS DISAPPOINTING.

"HOW DO WE ESCAPE THIS LABYRINTH OF SUFFERING?"

IS A QUESTION THIS BOOK SHOULD ASK

INSTEAD OF IMPLYING EVERY CHANCE IT GETS

THAT THERE IS NO ESCAPE

EVER.

I WAS GOING TO FINISH IT TODAY, BUT I JUST...I JUST...CAN'T.  TOO MUCH.  I THINK I MIGHT CRY.

I NEVER CRY.

I FEEL SO HELPLESS.

I'm at page 275 right now, which is to say, very close to the end.  I do not have very many chapters to go.  But I just..can't...I mean...why...I HATE THIS.

The bio on the back cover reads:
Reyna Grande vividly brings to life her tumultuous early years in this "compelling . . . unvarnished, resonant" (BookPage) story of a childhood spent torn between two parents and two countries. As her parents make the dangerous trek across the Mexican border to "El Otro Lado" (The Other Side) in pursuit of the American dream, Reyna and her siblings are forced into the already overburdened household of their stern grandmother. When their mother at last returns, Reyna prepares for her own journey to "El Otro Lado" to live with the man who has haunted her imagination for years, her long-absent father.
Funny, heartbreaking, and lyrical, The Distance Between Us poignantly captures the confusion and contradictions of childhood, reminding us that the joys and sorrows we experience are imprinted on the heart forever, calling out to us of those places we first called home.

That is inaccurate.  That is not what this book is about.  This book is abandoned child after abandoned child.  It is "scam artist" boys, who love you long enough for a good makeout session and never look at you again.  It's a mother who leaves and leaves and leaves, and a father who is both always and never present.  It's about always trying to please those whom you love, but whom refuse to be pleased.  It's a constant state of seeing everything you've ever wanted just beyond your fingertips, but the moment you reach out and touch it, it slips completely away.  This book is never being able to repair what is broken, but always trying and failing, trying and failing, trying and failing.  This book is dropping out of college to marry the girl of your dreams, only so that eighteen months, two new jobs and a baby boy later, you can get divorced again, completely and irrevocably robbed of your ambitions.  This book is constant betrayal, and endless loss.  This book is lost hope and broken dreams.

This book is fucking depressing.

I know I should just read it today and get it over with (and maybe finish annotating and start looking for artifacts?) but I recently restarted Homestuck, and I'm close to beating Paper Mario, and my room needs cleaning, and my posters need hanging, and I have movies from the library to watch, and books from my girlfriend to read, and I managed to buy Landline by Rainbow Rowell too, which promises to be much more upbeat than this because she's who wrote Attachments and Eleanor & Park, and fuck it all, I mean, "rainbow" is in her name, isn't it?  So I have other things to do.

Let's do those things.

And also, it's raining, so that's good.

-Allie